And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
