he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
