i would punch a child for taco bell
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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