I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
