i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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