Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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