just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
