bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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