When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
