so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize