I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
