My pussy is not your playground.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
