Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
