so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize