I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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