okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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