look no pants
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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