is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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