I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
