I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
