forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
