Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
