Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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