i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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