wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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