i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
