my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
