I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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