Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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