so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
