I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
