Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
