i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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