remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
