Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
