she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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