So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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