I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
