Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
