first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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