i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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