that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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