All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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