I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
