So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I bet he comes in French.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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