it was like his penis was on wheels.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am available for nakedness
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
