if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize