Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
