as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
