Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
