i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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