dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dick very happy bro
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
