We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
