i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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