i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize