I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
