Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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