Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
