youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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