well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
