Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
