somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
