the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
