i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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