woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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