Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We left an ass print on the piano.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
where are my eyebrows?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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