i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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