She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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