My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Two words: blizzard sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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